Transforming Relationships (5)

David was king of Israel who married eight wives in addition to concubines. Among David’s wives was Bathsheba, who was the wife of Uriah. Uriah was at war with the army of Israel and after an afternoon nap, David walked on his roof and saw Bathsheba bathing. He sent to enquire about who she was and was told that she was Uriah’s wife. Nevertheless, David sent for her and slept with her and she became pregnant. We don’t know much about the exchange between Bathsheba and David, except that he slept with her. Was this relationship consensual and did she have the option to say no to the king of Israel? David abused his power as king to exploit another man’s wife. He later killed the man and married her, when his attempts to cover up his behaviour proved futile.

Fast forward a few years later and David’s son is guilty of raping his half-sister. It was not illegal at the time for half siblings to marry and Tamar begged Ammon to ask for her hand in marriage. He allowed his lustful desire and the bad advice from his cousin, to convince him to defile her. Far worst than raping her, was sending her away as his desire for her turned into hatred. She begged him again to redeem her through marriage, as she would be condemned and deemed unsuitable. Her brother Absalom found out what Amnon did to his sister and he killed him.

Solomon succeeded David as King and was the son of Bathsheba. He followed in David’s footsteps in terms of his love for women and married seven hundred wives and had three hundred concubines. These excesses and his marriage to foreign women, led Solomon to start serving strange gods. This led to the gradual increase of idol worship in Israel and the subsequent depraviltiy of kings who followed Solomon. Behaviours left unchecked in parents, can easily transfer to their children and pass on to future generations. Incest and sexual abuse are difficult topics for most people.

Did some of David’s excesses lead to the deviant behaviours in his children? Tamar lived her life in solitude and David lost more than one son to acts of violence. He also lost the child that Bathsheba conceived when she was still Uriah’s wife. Paul warned us to run away from sexual sin, as this is the only sin committed against the body. God can also heal the emotional scars from sexual abuse. We cannot shy away from discussing difficult subjects as believers. Historically, crimes such as incest was treated as ‘family secrets.’ The truth will set us free and the first step is opening up to someone about the abuse. It is important to speak to a trusted counsellor and begin the journey of healing.

A.P.-Y.