Transforming Relationships (7) – Look Out for Patterns

The Israelites went around in the wilderness for forty years, because they didn’t learn from their mistakes. These people grieved God so many times and would constantly repeat the pattern of being in trouble, grumbling and complaining, God would come to their rescue and by the next trial they would grumble against God again. Similar to the Israelites, we are prone to repeating negative patterns and cycles. Einstein once said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Some people repeat the same patterns in relationships and wonder why they never get their intended results.

Most often than not, you are repeating an old negative pattern and using the same strategies in relationships. The frustration from one failed relationship after the next can lead people to develop faulty thinking. Some faulty thought patterns include the following; ‘all men/women are dogs; marriage is not meant for everyone; all the good ones are taken; I have no luck with relationships; I don’t need a man/woman; relationships don’t last anyway, so why bother.’ These statements can be likened to the fox and the grapes, who unable to reach his desired outcome, deems the thing undesirable. While there may be elements of truth in each statement, using a wholesale approach in explaining anything is faulty and all generalisations are lies. Sometimes we have to admit that some of the issues may lie in us and ask God for wisdom to break old patterns.

In psychology and family therapy, we look at family life cycles and scripts and family patterns and norms, which inform our behaviours in adulthood. In essence, social learning theory explains why children repeat behaviours, that they saw displayed from significant adults around them. In spiritual terms, we consider generational curses and cycles and we recommend deliverance to break generational curses. “I lay the sins of the parents upon their children; the entire family is affected—even children in the third and fourth generations of those who reject me” (Exodus 20:5). Psychology recommends therapy to break generational patterns and cycles and to teach people new patterns.

It’s interesting to see times when science backs up scripture, without giving credit to the bible. I have seen the transforming power of Jesus Christ, in the lives of people who fully submit to God and I believe in deliverance and supernatural healing. I also support therapy and I have seen how this has transformed the lives of others. What is important is that you seek help, when you recognise that you are repeating patterns and cycles. “However, the spiritual [the immortal life] is not first, but the physical [the mortal life]; then the spiritual” (1 Corinthians 15:46).

A.P.-Y.