Transforming Relationships (8) – Safe People

“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life” (Proverbs 4:23).

Solomon spoke in Proverbs and other books about the importance of wisdom. He was the first king to pray and ask God for wisdom to rule his people, after he took over from his father David. Not only did God bless Solomon with wisdom, he added wealth and influence. This was because Solomon sought after what was right, as you need wisdom to manage wealth for example. We also need wisdom to establish and maintain healthy relationships. We saw over the course of this series, that many people can grow up in families, where they are not taught how to establish healthy relationships. How would a person know how to maintain a healthy marriage for example, if they did not see this demonstrated by their parents?

The good news is that it is possible to learn, as we can identity people around us with healthy relationships, that we can learn from. This learning has to be intentional as the people in our sphere of influence will affect us. If you are surrounded by people in dysfunctional relationships, then you are likely to see them as normal and can replicate this. We also need discernment to choose the right people, as it is possible to attract or gravitate towards unsafe people. It takes wisdom to discern the people who are safe and who you are likely to be able to build a healthy and lasting relationship with. Can you identify if someone is ready for marriage?

The reality is that we look at the physical appearance of someone, while only God sees their hearts (1 Samuel 16:7). “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him” (James 1:5). It is important to ask God for wisdom and stop relying on our own understanding. This is especially important if you keep repeating unhealthy patterns. At some point you have to be able to reflect on the fact that you may be missing something. Relying on the Holy Spirit will give us the discernment to test the spirit of a person (1 John 4:1). People are able to present well and can convince us about their authenticity, but only God knows what is in their hearts.

We have to ask the Holy Spirit for direction about our relationship choices. We are taking a major risk, when we commit our heart and emotions to a relationship without asking the Holy Spirit for guidance. It is also important to have people around you who you can be accountable to. Other people can spot things that you may miss. Who are you accountable to and who watches over you to ensure that you aren’t walking into a ditch? One of the main reasons why God assigned Pastors is to guide the flock. A good Pastor can also spot when someone is walking into a dangerous relationship. They are likely to pray and ask God for wisdom on your behalf. Good and godly parents can also play this role, when their hearts are surrendered to God.

Not everyone is safe, which means that many people are unsafe. The devil can keep us trapped in demonic patterns and cycles to cause us to miss out on the good that God has for us. People learn about roles that they have to play in a job for example and study for years to acquire this. We should also commit to studying about maintaining healthy relationships. No one buys a car without first learning how to drive, for example. Learn about relationship principles and understand what the bible says about how to maintain them. “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: And with all thy getting get understanding” (Proverbs 4:7).

A.P.-Y.

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