Transforming Relationships (9)

“Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you” (Matthew 7:6).

Jesus taught his disciples about judging others and spoke about preserving what is holy and sacred. In a society where values are not always cherished, people are misinterpreting the bible to suit their own desires. There are good reasons why God designed marriage as an institution for love and intimacy. It does not make sense to share your pearls with people who aren’t committed to you. We have to set boundaries and teach people how we want to be treated. We can’t be angry when we fail to set boundaries and then be surprised when someone mistreats us. It is important to know what you want from a relationship for example, in order to clearly communicate your expectations.

Different things are important for each person, so it is important to know what are your non-negotiables. This comes from having standards on things like, how you would like to be spoken to and knowing language and communication styles that you will or will not tolerate. What are your values and ideas around spending quality time and how much is too much or too little? Having an understanding of your love language and being able to communicate this clearly is also helpful. Gary Chapman designed the five love languages and described these as the typical ways in which people have their needs met in a relationship. For example, one love language is words of affirmation.

According to Chapman, someone whose love language is words of affirmation, needs to be affirmed in order to keep their love tank full. This person is also likely to be more sensitive to negative, harsh or critical words. People should seek to have the difficult conversations during the courtship stage, to get a better understanding of the values and beliefs of the other person. Conversations regarding money, savings and things like debt are extremely crucial. This is because disagreement around money is a major challenge in marriage. Other general ideas such as values around family and extended relatives and thoughts on raising children should be discussed.

My father always says that marriage has to be entered into with very careful prayer and consideration. After all, it is the most important decision that a person will make and it will have a major impact on the rest of your life. You have to be willing to ask yourself and the other person the hard questions and be sure that you can live with the answers. We cannot marry someone with traits that we find hard to tolerate and hope that they will change. Love is a decision and contrary to popular beliefs, we don’t fall in love, like someone who trips over and falls into a ditch. As much as we use our heart and emotions, we have to use our minds and intellect. We make a decision to love someone and our choice has to be made with sound judgement.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6).


20 thoughts on “Transforming Relationships (9)

  1. That is so beautifully written. I think about how Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for Isaac. If we let the Lord choose our mates how much pain, we could avoid. I love the part about the love languages. We all do need love. If we put Jesus first, He will supply what we need. His love is always the beginning. So many are walking without it. Great Post Anetta! 👍💖🙏

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Wonderful post!! I am so glad none of my young adult relationships worked. God had something better for me in mind. I spent my youth alone but getting ready for the right person. And when I was 35 I found him and God told me through the mouths of beggars on the street and others to love this man. Well, this man turned into a wonderful human being. Now we come to the hardest part. Knowing that some time God will take one of us. This is the real test. Your posts are so spot on. 🙏🏽❣️

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  3. As much as we use our heart and emotion, we also have to use our mind and intellect. So agree with you Anneta. Asking those hard questions is crucial before committing to anyone.
    An excellent post.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. Love is a decision, emotions alone can be misleading. Intellect, and careful consideration of the other person who you want to commit the rest of your life to should be a rule. Struggles will come, disappointments will happen from both people in a relationship. But love is also the affection need to make marriage work. Without affection there can be no true intimacy. We’re all broken, and looking to make our lives better. I suggest that we each be the one to work harder at building a successful marriage. It’s not all on her, or on him, I must do my part, and above my own expectations.
    God bless.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. “Love is a decision” . . . so true Anneta.
    Whether it be the love in a marriage or in myriad of relationships in the world surrounding us, the our love’s affirmation is evidenced when we reach out and touch the hand of another and there are no “others”.
    Be blessed!

    Liked by 2 people

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