Solomon shared many wise nuggets that are useful in managing relationships. In the scripture above, he is saying that if your boss or Manager becomes angry that you should remain calm. In so doing, your calm demeanour will reduce whatever caused them to be offended. Even psychological theory suggests that it helps an angry person to calm down more quickly, if you remain quiet and maintain your composure. Mirroring the angry person’s behaviour is like attaching yourself to a burning house. If you see a house on fire, would you walk in or stand back at a safe distance to protect yourself? So why do we join in and share an angry person’s emotional outburst?

Solomon also said in Proverbs that, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). I know that it is not easy to respond with gentleness, when someone has expressed anger towards us. The human tendency is to retaliate and to match the other person’s harshness. The question is; are we any better than the person who spoke harshly to us and are we not joining them in being harsh? The bible says that we should not render evil for evil or insult with insult. Better yet, we should repay evil with a blessing so that we will inherit a blessing (1 Peter 3:9).

Many problems and wars could have been avoided with a kind word. Many fights could have also been avoided, if someone had the sense to walk away. It is not easy to continuously take insults without the urge to retaliate. Our will power alone is not enough to stop us from retaliating. A mind, body and spirit submitted to God is easier to restrain from retaliating in the flesh. Even well meaning christians sometimes retaliate and experience angry outbursts. Sometimes this is learnt behaviour which was modelled during childhood. Other times, unresolved trauma and abuse can result in suppressed anger, which can lead to a bad temper.

Remaining submitted to God and being led by the Holy Spirit will help us to overcome. God can also heal damaged emotions, from past hurt and abuse and the Holy Spirit can teach us how to manage our emotions. Daily quiet time with God in prayer and meditation also helps us to remain calm. “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7).

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Elijah performed a mighty act of God on Mount Carmel, when he called down fire from heaven to consume the sacrifice. He also killed the 450 prophets of Baal and then prophesied so that it rained for the first time in three years. King Ahab told Queen Jezebel what Elijah did on Mount Carmel. “Then Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah, saying, “So may the gods do to me and more also, if I do not make your life as the life of one of them by this time tomorrow”” (1 Kings 19:2). Elijah’s response was to run away, leaving his servant behind and travelled into the wilderness alone. He then prayed for God to take his life and regarded himself as being no better than his fathers.

Elijah slept and an angel came twice and offered him food and a drink. After eating, drinking and resting, Elijah had enough strength to travel for another forty days. He travelled to a cave and sat in hiding and the Lord appeared and asked what he was doing in the cave. Elijah shared his sad story about the threats from Jezebel. “I have been very jealous for the Lord, the God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away” (1 Kings 19:10).

God spoke to Elijah through a low whisper and then repeated the question. Elijah repeated his story, about being the only one left who was serving God and they wanted him dead. The irony is that Elijah’s story was not true, because God told him that there were seven thousand in Israel who had not bowed to Baal. God then instructed Elijah to return to anoint a King over Syria, a King over Israel and Elisha to succeed him as prophet. The interesting thing about this story is that God listened to what Elijah had to say. God did not rebuke him but corrected his faulty thinking.

You have to wonder what made Elijah think, that he was the only one left in Israel who remained faithful to God? This is what we call self-pity and exhaustion. Elijah was tired from his battle on Mount Carmel and needed some rest and a good meal. During seasons of great battles, we have to take time out to rest and recharge. Being tired and exhausted can leave us emotionally worn out and make us an easy prey for the lies of the enemy. We also have to balance our perspective and ensure that we are not being led by our emotions. Stay connected to God, make the time to rest and recharge and trust your emotions to God.

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We cannot expect other people to be responsible for our emotional wellbeing. Even in a marriage, it is a mistake to expect our spouse to be responsible to ‘make us happy.’ Happiness is an internal emotion that we have when we are at peace with ourselves. We have peace with ourselves when we have peace with God.

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ” (Romans 5:1). How can you have peace with God, when you are being tested by others around you? How can you maintain peace when you are in an unhappy situation? When you are sure in your heart that you are in the will of God, and you have walked in obedience, then you know that despite the challenges, that there is a way out. This is knowing that if God led you into a situation, that his hand of protection guides and keeps you and he will help you through it.

We maintain emotional wellbeing by trusting in God who daily loads us with benefits (Psalm 68:19). We have to trust in God to meet our need for companionship, comfort and friendship. He is a God who sticks closer than a brother and he cares more about our emotions than anyone else. In fact he comforts those who mourn, provides strength for fear, strengthens the weary and gives a garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness (Matthew 5:4; Isaiah 61:3).

God wants us to have good and healthy marriages, friendships and relationships. God does not encourage unhealthy attachments, where we place people on a pedestal and expect them to cater to our needs. The danger with this is that we can leave people feeling emotionally exhausted, from trying to fill empty voids. This can also engender obsessive patterns and dysfunctional relationships.

Trust in God to heal your broken and wounded emotions. Trust the work of the Holy Spirit to help you develop and maintain healthy and meaningful relationships. One which is mutually beneficial for those involved, to prevent us being manipulated or cause us to manipulate others to meet unrealistic expectations. “There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother”
‭‭(Proverbs‬ ‭18:24‬).

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In this story on Mount Carmel, Elijah decided to face off against the prophets of Baal. He challenged them to set up an altar with a sacrifice and call on their god, to send fire to consume their sacrifice. Elijah planned to do the same thing with his sacrifice, as he was confident that God would answer him. “So they took the bull which was given them, and they prepared it, and called on the name of Baal from morning even till noon, saying, “O Baal, hear us!” But there was no voice; no one answered. Then they leaped about the altar which they had made” (I Kings 18:26). These prophets did everything from cutting themselves, jumping on the altar and prophesying.

All day long they carried out their rituals, but Baal did not answer. Elijah set up his altar and drenched the sacrifice and everything around it with water. Elijah instructed the men to pour water over the sacrifice on three occasions. In the end, he called the people to gather together and then he prayed. “Then the fire of the Lord fell and consumed the burnt sacrifice, and the wood and the stones and the dust, and it licked up the water that was in the trench” (I Kings 18:38). The people fell on their faces and worshipped God. The prophets of Baal were captured and executed to put an end to Baal worship.

This was not the only time that Elijah called down fire from heaven. In 2 Kings 1, King Ahaziah fell and injured himself. He sent messengers to consult with Baal-Zebub, the god of Ekron to ask if he would die. God sent Elijah to meet his messengers, to give them a word for the King. God’s question for the king was, ‘Is it because there is no God in Isreal that you are going to inquire of Baal-Zebub?’ God declared through Elijah that the king would die. The King perceived that the message came from Elijah and sent a company of fifty men to ask him to come down. Elijah called down fire to consume the first and second company of men.

Old Testament prophets built altars and offered sacrifices unto God. Whenever sacrifices were offered, God answered by fire and consumed the sacrifices. Elijah was familiar with this manifestation of God’s presence. He also used this strategy in warfare, when the King tried to intimidate him with soldiers. In the New Testament, the Holy Spirit sat upon the heads of the saints as flames or tongues of fire. Fire preserves, purifies and breaks yokes and bondages. We no longer offer animal sacrifices, but we offer our bodies unto God as a living sacrifice. We ask God to send the fire of his spirit to keep us ablaze. The fire in us burns brightly to shine a light in the dark world.

“A fire goes before Him, And burns up His enemies round about” (Psalms 97:3).

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Moses wrote a song unto God in Exodus 15, after the Lord saved them from Pharaoh and his army. “Thus the Lord saved Israel that day from the hand of the Egyptians, and Israel saw the Egyptians dead on the seashore” (Exodus 14:30). These mighty Egyptian warriors pursued the Israelites, with the intention of recapturing them. Pharaoh could not stand the idea of seeing these people go free. Now you would imagine that by this time, Pharaoh had learnt his lesson. God sent ten plagues upon Egypt and the final plague was devastating. Perhaps Pharaoh convinced himself that this was merely a coincidence.

After all, there may have been a scientific explanation for all that happened in Egypt. The bible actually says that God hardened Pharaoh’s heart, in order to get the glory over him. He should have left the people of God alone, but his stubbornness and hard heartedness made him pursue them. What was the result? His entire army dead by drowning. “Then Moses and the people of Israel sang this song to the Lord, saying, “I will sing to the Lord, for he has triumphed gloriously; the horse and his rider he has thrown into the sea” (Exodus 15:1). I wonder if Pharaoh’s men had swimming lessons. I truly doubt that any swimming abilities, would have saved them from that Red Sea.

God would have made absolutely sure, that everyone of those soldiers were dead at sea. Their death was as a result of their hard heartedness and their desire to cause harm to God’s children. Police officers and soldiers are trained to serve and protect. Soldiers should not shoot unless they are threatened, or to take out someone who is a threat to others. However, officers are trained to protect and will eliminate threats to life and liberty. God is loving, faithful and caring and his desire is that all of his creation are saved. “Do you think that I like to see wicked people die? says the Sovereign Lord. Of course not! I want them to turn from their wicked ways and live” (Ezekiel 18:23).

People perish because they choose not to repent and serve God. The devil creates conditions to take the life of the same wicked people who serve him. He wants to ensure that as many people as possible perish with him. The challenge is that people are blind to their sin and wickedness. God will extend mercy and pardon because he wants a relationship with people. However, if anyone allows themselves to be used as an agent of the devil, to harass and antagonise God’s children, the result is disaster. “The Lord will fight for you while you [only need to] keep silent and remain calm” (Exodus 14:14).

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David sang to the Lord in 2 Samuel 22, after he was rescued during a battle against the Philistines. David went to battle with his army and during the battle he became weary. “And Ishbi-benob, one of the descendants of the giants, whose spear weighed three hundred shekels of bronze, and who was armed with a new sword, thought to kill David” (2 Samuel 21:16). One of David’s men, Abishai came to his defence and attacked and killed the Philistine who tried to kill him. In the end, David’s men made an oath to him that he would no longer go out with them to battle.

David was viewed by his men as the ‘lamp of Israel,’ which they did not want to be quenched in the event that he died in battle. David was a fierce warrior who fought and won many battles for Israel. David was only seventeen when he killed Goliath and never stopped fighting battles until his final battle with the Philistines. Even as the King of Israel, David continued on the battlefield. His men considered his life too precious to risk and made the decision that it was not necessary for him to continue to fight.

Like David, there are seasons when we are war torn and weary from battle. During these times God will send help and assign people to stand in the gap to strengthen us. It is not a weakness to reach out for help and at times to surrender to God, instead of fighting in our own strength. David’s men continued to fight the battles for Israel and he had brave warriors who won many battles. There are angels surrounding us who are ready to fight on our behalf. Our position is prayer and using the spoken word.

At our words the angels are dispatched to carry out our strategic mandate. Our words have to be in alignment with what the bible says. Once we speak things that are in alignment with the word, then whatever we allow will continue, but whatever we disallow will cease to exist. “Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven” (Matthew 18:18).

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There is a psychological concept related to fight or flight, which describes an innate instinct within animals and humans, when faced with a perceived threat. Built within each of us, is a natural desire to fight to protect ourselves, or to run from a perceived threat. One of my favourite characters in the bible is David. As we follow his journey, we see how God first taught David how to kill a bear and lion which came to threaten his sheep. These challenges were used to prepare David for confronting, challenging and taking down Goliath who threatened the people of God (1 Samuel 17).

There were other seasons in the bible, where David spent running from Saul, who wanted to take his life. David’s conviction was, “Touch not my anointed ones, do my prophets no harm” (Psalms 105:15). This was because David knew that Saul was anointed of God. Saul eventually came to his own demise, when he fell on his sword during his battle with the Philistines (1 Samuel 31:4). Saul was so consumed by his pursuit of David, that he missed the fact that the Philistines were planning their attack against him. Except for Saul who was anointed and whom David needed to leave to God to avenge, David did not run away from many battles. He stood and fought once he had consulted God and was convinced that God was with him in battle. David said in Psalms, “He trains my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze” (Psalms 18:34).

There are seasons when God will tell us to walk away and other times, when He wants us to take a stand of authority and declare victory over our circumstances. Our weapons are not physical and we do not fight in our own strength. Our weapons are strategic prayers and worship. When God commands us to fight, we have to remember that there is nothing for us to fear, but we have to be strong and courageous because God is with us in the battle (Joshua 1:9).

God will teach us the strategies of war and train us in warfare against the enemy. We have to do battle against principalities and powers, against the rulers of darkness of this present world (Ephesians 6:12). We need insight and wisdom for the battle and understanding as the Holy Spirit guides and teaches us in warfare. “For by you I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall” (Psalm‬ ‭18:29‬).

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